Fake Barbie part 2

after a woman has a baby, there is a period of mild to modrate hairloss associated with fluctuating hormones i think. so, when Lucy was between 4 -8 months old my hair was really falling out...and i was beginning to get concerned that it might all fall out. but it slowed down and started to grow back. i was doing some strategic bobby pin placements and maybe it was still super noticeable- i don't know. i pretended i looked cute and carried on as if nothing was wrong.

but now the dang hair is falling out again. i have more bald spots than i've ever had before. they aren't really "spots" as you can see. when i look at myself in the mirror- i don't see them. but if the wind blows, they show. if i put my hair behind my ear, they show. if my hair is wet, i look like i have the mange- if i want to pull my hair up in a ponytail i look like a cheap barbie.  cheap as in less expensive or not a real "barbie" but a fake "barbie"...at least like a cheap almost 40 year old mama barbie. you know- the cheap barbie has pretty hair when it's all flowing down her back- but if you pull it up in a ponytail it's bald underneath- because i guess it's cheaper to not fill in the whole head with hair. i know you know what i'm talking about.

i guess i'm writing all this down so everyone will or can know that i am a little more freaky than you may have originally thought. it's not just something i feel comfortable bringing up in everyday conversations. "how was your weekend? good, good to hear. guess what? i have a freaky hair condition and i may be going bald. did you bring your lunch today?" i will totally talk about it- but it's just not something i want to bring up as a topic of conversation. my experience is that no one ever asks me about it- and maybe no one has ever seen one of my spots...unless i showed you one.

i want you to know so that in case you do see a spot you will know what it is....and you can tell people who don't know so no one has to guess. i know people don't pay as much attention to me as i think they do- i know i can be my own worst critic. i just want to put it all out there in hopes that by telling my secret it won't have so much power over me- because i think about it A LOT! i would love to put my hair in a ponytail!! i miss wearing pigbuns. i wanna go out on a windy day and not think, "who's with me? and will they notice? or who can see me? or oh damn!- i should have brought my hat!"

i am writing all this down so you will know i am vain. i don't want to be bald. i have no idea what kind of head shape i have and if it's even remotely cute in it's bald state. i don't want to know. i am already a mom who beeps a lot because of my insulin pump. i don't want to be a bald mom who beeps...that's...an alien. i am writing all this down to say that if you have even one ounce of faith- please pray that my hair will stop falling out and stop falling out forever- no more bald spots. or that i will die to my vanity and not care if it all falls out.

stay tuned for news from.... the WIG shop!